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Better than Perfect
|I keep feeling like I should feel guilty about Tony, what I've done to him.
I feel like I should, but I don't, really. I can't anymore. I'm not sure
Natalie would have understood. I know her family has pulled away from us.
Old money doesn't like anything that draws attention to itself, and I have
certainly broken that rule and crossed that line with their boy. With our
boy. With my boy.
Funny, but somehow I think even Natalie would have felt a kind of thrill, although it's probably a good thing she's not around now to test that thought. She sure did get one from my own hairy musclar body. If her parents ever knew how she loved to play slut to my tough guy act, ripping off my shirt to feel my hairy pecs, making me flex while she sucked my cock, clawing my body while she told me to fuck her rough and hard, well, I'm sure they would have been shocked. I know they were the last time they saw Tony, and that was a while ago now, when he graduated high school. Then he just looked like a promising bodybuilder. If they saw what the stuff Darin has been giving us has done to him since then . . . but, well, I can't worry about any of that. Not now.
They say a lot of fathers project their own unrealized desires, needs, unfulfilled fantasies, whatever, onto their sons. I know that's true for me. I knew it even that summer in St. Tropez, seeing him grow from embarrassment into pride at having such a big package for such a young kid showing in those bikinis, and starting to get body hair at such a young age. I admit was jealous that I'd been so shy and embarrassed when it had happened to me, but that, with even more at even younger to feel shy about, Tony was able to get over that and learn to enjoy it. Hell, it took me until I was in college almost to realize that I was envied by other guys and lusted over by most of the girls for my looks and those very things that had been a source of such embarrassment--my oversized dick and my hairy body.
Finally realizing I was a stud, finally being able to look in the mirror and see that pattern of hair and that big fat dick as desired and desirable, well, it was a revelation that set me free. Otherwise I never would have gone on the stage, doing half the show shirtless, and I never would have met Natalie. So, in that way, I'm glad I was able to liberate Tony from that before it ever took hold. Of course, I had no idea that he would take to being a complete stud animal the way he did. If only I'd had a dad like me when I was his age. But my dad was too busy building our fortune, no regrets there from me, and didn't even care about his own good looks or hairy, athletic body. Imagine!
It's so funny how long it took for me to acknowledge my fundamental preoccupation with things masculine and physical. In fact, it was only because of Darin, shortly after St. Tropez, that I admitted it, and then only because of his outspoken preoccupation with developing a supplement that would enhance those very things that were starting to occupy my thoughts more and more as I watched Tony develop and saw how he was enjoying the genetic gifts I had been so reluctant to enjoy.
I remember feeling ashamed when I saw Tony in front of the bathroom mirror, only about 14, I think, looking at himself naked, his dick already almost as big as mine. And I thought I had a pretty good sized cock at 8.5 inches. He didn't know I was there, but watching him getting off on his big dick, and seeing how big he was at such young age, and how he seemed to be excited by the way that trail of his was getting thick, growing up out of that bush that was already more pubes than a lot of guys ever get, those hairy legs, him pushing that big hard dick down and letting it spring back up and smack that hairy belly, well, I got such a raging hard-on, I had to duck into my own bathroom and jack off, feeling like a complete creep for being excited by my own son.
I told Darin about it. He listened, smiling, and when I was all done, he said maybe the idea of me getting so turned on by Tony, being my son and all, was not the norm, but what he really thought was that I was finally coming to grips with my own repressed but simmering homosexuality. And before I could argue with him, he'd put his hand inside my shirt, rubbing my hairy pecs, and was kissing me, even though I tried to turn away. I have to admit, I didn't try very hard, though. And when I felt the roughness of his stubbly face on mine, something swept over me that made my knees almost buckle. I didn't resist when he pushed his body against me, and his hard cock inside his khakis pushed up against my own crotch, and I realized I was hard as I'd ever been.
You have to see Darin, though. It's hard to imagine anyone not being attracted to him. His got that sweet gentle smile, that lost puppy look in his eyes that drives women crazy. He's blond and good looking to the point of being almost pretty, but he also has a kind of masculinity that makes guys both comfortable with him and jealous that they aren't him. And he's built. Very muscular. And not shy about showing it. But, again, he has a way of being a cocky showoff that almost makes you believe he has no idea how built he is, what an amazing body he has, including the always-there good-sized mound at the crotch of his loose fitting flat-fronted khakis he wears, which, at that point, was straining the confines of his pants and pushing against me, begging me to admit that I'm fucking queer for him. In that moment, his rough face on mine, his body pressed hard against me, his breath on me, his muscular arms almost having to hold me up, I realized I was totally, completely, one hundred per cent queer for the guy. I was a total fag. A big fucking homo. And I didn't even care one bit. For the first time in my life, I felt absolutely free.
After that, it got both harder, excuse the expression, and more exciting to watch Tony grow up. I worked hard at encouraging his sexuality without crossing the line I'd decided to maintain, and yet, I have to admit, he became the stuff of my fantasies. He was open and free and wild in a way I'd never been able to be, exhibiting, and I mean that in every sense of that word, signs of unbelievable masculinity that was far outdoing me, and at the age of only 15, 16. By that time, Darin had made me take a good look at myself and admit what a hot looking guy I really was. Didn't hurt that he was there with his hands all over me to point out my strong points. I could finally let myself feel the heavy erotic arousal I got from every masculine aspect of the male body, including my own. So I worked out more, and got more defined and muscular, and I loved it, loved the feeling of it, getting buff and being gay, or finally admitting I was.
Meanwhile, Tony was just bursting, the way an adolescent does, only more so, into a naturally muscular guy. His testosterone levels were obviously soaring, and he was jacking off all the time, barely trying to hide it from me. I knew he was loving the hair that was sprouting all over his chest and stomach in a perfect, killer hot pattern, and how his already big cock kept growing bigger. Even his balls were big. He bulged in his pants, that crotch mound getting more obvious all the time, the way he packaged himself up front and center in his briefs so it couldn't be missed, and he loved how people, especially the other kids his age, looked at him.
One incident in particular made me realize how much he'd inherited all the best elements of his gene pool. It also made me pop wood so fast and hard that I knew he saw, and was pretty sure that was his intent. He came down to breakfast one day and told me that when he sat on the toilet, his "stuff," as he calls it, hangs so long now that it gets in the water. Is that weird, or what, he says. I mean, he says, I love getting a huge dick and big low hangers and all, but, he tells me, standing there all casual in boxer briefs and nothing else, his huge meat plumped and straining the material, he has to piss standing up, then put his balls and dick over the toilet seat instead of down in so they don't get wet or anything. I laughed, told him there were millions of guys in the world that would kill to have that problem. Meanwhile, I was standing at the counter, and I had to sit down fast, but I'm sure it wasn't fast enough and he saw my instant, uncontrolable, rock hard erection. I wondered later if that wasn't why he'd told me.
One day I was at Darin's, and he started telling me that he'd pretty much got this supplement thing worked out, that he'd figured how to stimulate the production of not just testosterone, but of the catalytic hormones, enzymes, and proteins that worked together to produce male sexual characteristics. He thought he would ultimately be able to market it as a fountain of youth for aging men, an enhancer of masculinity for those who felt theirs lacking, and a major leap forward in muscle building, more effective than steroids without the negative side effects. He'd been trying it on himself, and the only side effects so far were that he'd grown a bit more body hair and a lot more horny. But, he said, he'd gained more muscle more quickly, and, what was really exciting him, he had added length and girth to his dick, if I hadn't noticed. He was quick to show me, and I could see the difference, subtle as it was after such a short time of taking it. I could also feel the difference in my hand, in my mouth, and when he penetrated me. And there was a difference in the kind of manliness he exuded, an indefinable but powerful increase in the quality of his masculinity. He was leaving me breathless.
I know that when he suggested I try some, to see how it made a guy feel, I was already so completely seduced I would have tried anything Darin suggested. He told me he'd love to have his best buddy--we'd been fuck buddies for a while, now, as I'd slowly emerged from my closet, not wanting to embarrass my son--be as oversexed as this was making him, if I was ready for that. He needed a partner that could keep up with him, and would want to. Of course he brought it up while we were naked together, me exploring the results of his experiment, feeling his hard body, the increased size of his engorged cock (although I was still bigger than he was), him telling me how I great would look and how hot I would feel as he fondled my cock, telling me how lucky we were, me and my son, to be gifted with big meat, and how incredible it would be to make it even bigger. I exploded all over the new dirty blond hair on his hard-packed pecs before he could even get my cock in his mouth, just hearing him talk about it like that.
As soon as I began to feel what he meant about the heightened male sexuality, as soon as I was feeling more exhilaration over my body than I had going through puberty, he brought up Tony. He knew that Tony was blossoming into some kind of incredible stud. My son's reputation had gotten around as much as he had. His dick was becoming legendary, and he was apparently showing it off whenever he had the chance and sticking it into any opening that could take it, male or female. He was working out, and like everything else, his genetic predisposition allowed him to quickly develop a body any teen guy would kill to have. By his senior year, he was growing a cub's pelt in a pattern on his torso that looked designed by a homosexual God to project the perfection of his maturing masculinity. Darin said the time was perfect, while his body was still in its maximum growth mode, to start him on the stuff. He thought the effect might be much more profound on a guy who hadn't finished maturing yet, that he might be able to push the limits of genetic predisposition. He still believed he might be able to revisit those limits with guys, like us, who had fully matured a long time ago. But with a kid like Anthony, well, he was sure we could create a god.
So I started Tony on the supplements right away. I couldn't wait to get him started, I was so turned on, anyway, by Darin's stuff, and getting more so every day. He began showing the signs of its effects very quickly. I could tell he was almost uncontrollably horny all the time. He was jacking off more than before, and making it less of a secret. He became even more of an exhibitionist, if that was possible. He started hanging out all the time in his underwear around the house, and I knew it was because he wanted me to see how big "his stuff" was getting. He talked about it, how he was getting so big that kids teased him about stuffing socks in his briefs, but he'd just whip it out and show them if they didn't believe it was all him, that big mound in his pants, which he led with when he walked. I caught him more often, checking himself out in the mirror.
I admitted to him that I was jealous, that he was making me look small. Of course, meanwhile, I was feeling that stuff from Darin, too, and my 8 1/2 inches was thicker and almost 9, and I was running to my own bathroom to jack off almost as much as I knew Tony was. He was so into himself he wasn't noticing, but I couldn't tell if I was more turned on by what was happening to me or to him.
By the time he graduated and started college, he had become obsessed with his body, and it showed. He was looking like contest material, bigger at only 18 than a lot of pros, his guns up to 20", his pecs broad and thick. He not only showed that meat in his pants, he was starting to get the look of a big bodybuilder, even when he started buying larger sizes, walking with that rolling walk and bulging with that hot, young, thickening muscle under his clothes.
This is where it really started to get strange. Darin was so into what his stuff was doing to Tony, he talked about it constantly, and that talk turned me on, more and more. I began to feel this guilt about what we were doing to him, but I was finding it so hot I didn't want to stop, and I knew Tony was loving it, too. When Tony suggested entering a contest, Darin was all for it, because he knew that Tony would not only win for muscle, but he would be showing off a poser full of more meat than anyone had seen before. He talked about upping the dosage, and switching Tony over to injections he'd been developing that would be much more potent.
True to what Darin said, Tony won, but the notariety he gained when he had to prove he hadn't stuffed his posers made the magazines, and the fact that he ended up sharing the proof with most of the judges and several of the contestants basically ended his career as a pro bodybuilder before it started, but he didn't care. All he wanted to do was show off the body he was developing. And he really wanted to let his body hair grow back. Did I mention that he'd had me shave him down? Did I mention how I nearly came in my pants doing it? It was the first time I'd actually put my hands on his body that way, feeling the muscle I was lathering down, and I was guilty for days over how I felt. But overriding my guilt was a strong desire to do it again, not to shave him, but to feel his body, the way I felt Darin's, feel his huge young muscle as the beautiful hair grew back in.
Darin said he thought he could handle the guilt I was feeling by upping the dosage I was taking. He suggested, in fact, that we both try the injections before giving it to Tony that way, and I was already well on the way to not caring what boundaries I crossed, since each one seemed to be the door to a new level of excitement. I understood Tony's self absorption as my own overtook me. Darin introduced me to a few of his friends, and I began to realize the ultimate release of giving in to the erotic hedonism that seemed to drive my every thought. It was a small step from being turned on by Darin's increasingly muscular body growing more of that hot dirty blond hair as his dick got longer and fatter, and by Darin's drawing attention to how completely hot it was that the same thing was happening to me. I began to know what Tony felt as that mound in his pants had grown more obvious, as my own was doing, and I noticed people staring. And I began to notice Tony's almost gravitational pull, even though he was so into himself he barely knew I was watching, always watching, and always boning up so hard and big and having to jack it.
The injections are miraculous. I feel like a completely different man, and I see myself turning into one. I see Darin changing and abandoning his old self, just as I am. Little by little, I'm feeling who I was dropping away, changing, morphing. It gets harder to concentrate on anything but muscle, the bigger, harder, thicker the better, and the erotic look and feel of the hot hair that only men grow on their masculine bodies, and cock, big, heavy, long thick cock. I fucking love it, man. Backed up by big balls, all bulging even in the loosest clothes. But more than any of that, I see the miracle of it in Tony. He's becoming so muscular now that he's crossed beyond what could be termed even abnormal but natural development. His cock is a monster and he looks like a mutation, but one that an artist attempting to depict a super-god might create.
He spends more time naked now, especially after an injection, just watching his body develop, like a time-lapse picture in slow motion of a flower blooming. I've gotten over the guilt of feeling aroused by his arousal. It's a circle, mutually desired and desirable. He'll wait for me to come it to see him, watch him flex, watch him worship his own huge cock. He knows it turns me on, and I don't hide anymore how much it does. I haven't yet actually jacked off in front of him, and we haven't yet actually done anything together. Not physically, anyway. But if there is sexual power in the feeling generated by the kind of arousal we are both feeling, then it's a small step that I'm sure will be crossed before long. I know he wants me to move on him. His pull is like the pull of a large planet. He is so fucking beautiful. So am I, I have to admit, and so is Darin. In fact, he is loving this and can't wait for me to cross that threshold. Tony's in there now, I know, feeling his injection, waiting for me, flexing those 23" guns, worshipping that cock, which is way over a foot of hard meat now, heading toward 18", watching every little bit of growth crank up the intensity of his feelings about his masculinity, his body expressing his amazing masculinity as it develops more and more. It is so incredible to see. I can't imagine how he'll end up, or me either, for that matter, but there's no turning back now. Gravity is a force beyond denial, and seeing the gravitational field of my boy growing stronger and more powerful as he grows, and grows into it, is an aphrodisiac I have no power to resist.
I have to go in now. I feel it in me. I need my fix.
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