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|“Get out of there, you fucking geek”
Jamie hated school with a passion. It wasn’t the learning so much, he’d always been a fairly bright kid – top of the class in most things, that was part of the problem. But in a burgeoning inner-city high school, ‘learning stuff’ was pretty much out of the equation in the struggle for survival. It wasn’t a good brain and a decent understanding of some complex scientific equation which counted; it was good social skills, healthy sex life, and a decent play on the football pitch that mattered. And Jamie wasn’t proficient in much of that.
Which was part of the reason he’d found himself hidden in a school locker-room at first break, a gang of bloodthirsty jocks baying to give the geek a beating, standing close by. If he wasn’t careful, Jamie could spend a lot of break times in such a situation. There was no such thing as a quiet life for a geek like him at Summer Bay High School, where he was the lowest on the food chain and constantly in awe and fear of the huge muscular, handsome almost-men who wandered about campus, almost literally in ownership of the place. Meanwhile Jamie was small, and pithy, and spotty. His small stature and size was how he’d managed to fit into one of the lockers in the first place. But as his heart pounded in fear, and sweat trickled down his face he was sure that he was capable of giving the game away. But things had gone silent for a while, and there was maybe a chance that they had given up and gone off to more important things, like making love to each of their numerous girlfriends.
Someone was calling out to him, from outside in the locker-room. A quieter, more-concerned call than any of those thugs would have given out, unless they were trying to trick him into submission, and they weren’t that clever. It wasn’t a voice that was immediately recognisable to Jamie; the call was voiced with quiet, almost friendly concern, and yet it was a deep manly sound, probably more use to calling out on the football pitch or in the bedroom. Jamie didn’t have many friends, but he certainly didn’t have any friends like that.
“Jamie? … It’s Charlie.”
Charlie? Charlie Wiseman? Except he had been called Charles then, and a lot more besides. A few months ago Charlie had been one of Jamie’s few allies in the classroom. A fellow underdeveloped nerd, who probably came close to rivalling Jamie in the geek-stakes and had helped to take a lot of attention of his best-friend from the schoolyard bullies, something which Jamie had always had a sense of guilty relief for. And then secretly envy, as he watched his friend gradually drift away from his own life and existence. Proof to the old adage that it really was ‘only a stage’ that all geeks went through, as thin, insecure, emasculated weirdoes before they were allowed to develop and bloom into something else. Jamie had watched with frustration and fascination as his friend had grown up in the space of a few months into something bigger and better. Every day he would come into school a few centimetres taller, another trace of acne wiped from his face, and a smidgen more confidence added to his demeanour. Gradually he had began to drift away from Jamie, working his way up the school food-chain, as his talent on the sports field, confidence and sexual attractiveness rose. Soon it became a passing joke – Charlie’s nickname on and off the pitch was ‘Nerd’ in remembrance of his previous existence, which seemed almost unbelievable to all and was now little more than a harmless joke as he worked him way around the pitch and the cheerleading-squad respectively. As Jamie slowly creaked open the locker door to take a look at the jock, he couldn’t help admiring what a good job puberty had performed on his former-friend. Short and glossy dark hair. Deep, developed features and facial-structure that rivalled any model or Hollywood film star, and a huge well-developed and muscular stature which he seemed to be in a hurry to show off, through tight t-shirts and sleeveless vest-tops. He was a god, he was out of Jamie’s reach and the only possible reason he could have to be there was to finish off the job of giving him a beating. Jamie slammed back the locker door in frustration, catching Charlie’s attention so that within seconds it was open again and Jamie yanked out.
Jamie didn’t know what it was, maybe it was the frustration and anger in his friend, that he’d been able to transform himself and his life, leaving him behind. Maybe he’d become so accustomed to waiting, that he didn’t care about the beating anymore. Maybe he really thought he had a chance. But whatever it was, he was making an uncharacteristic go of fighting back. Small, harmless fists railing pathetically against Charlie’s rock-hard abs and muscular pectorals.
”Fuck Jamie, what the fuck are you playing at? Cunt”
Hearing those words come out of Charlie’s mouth; words that Jamie hated and despaired against, and seemed to some up the arrogant attitude many of those jocks had developed – as bad-asses who could say and do what they like – only made him more angry and more desperate to teach the jock a lesson. So overcome in frustration, he hadn’t even noticed Charlie wasn’t bothering to fight back.
“Jamie, what the fuck?”
“Leave it man ”No”
And suddenly it was over in a flash. It was obvious that as soon as Charlie made an effort, there wasn’t going to be any struggle. Suddenly Jamie was pinned up against the lockers, a huge fist pushed closed against his skull, and Charlie’s handsome face thrust threatening close to his own. But Jamie didn’t care about it anymore, maybe all that time in the locker had got to him, maybe it was because he’d known Charlie before, but suddenly speaking-back to a jock wasn’t a big deal.
”Go on then, I don’t care. Beat me all you like.”
“What the fuck are you talking about man? I’m not here to beat you up” then suddenly softer “Jamie, I’m not.”
“Of course you are. You all are. Why are you here, otherwise?”
“To help you man. You don’t deserve this.”
He loosened his grip on Jamie’s sweater and Jamie was let free. His whole body damp with nervous sweat, his heart pounding. He was confused, and desperate to come to the truth. But he was still to nervous to say anymore.
“You don’t deserve any of this. Christ, I can still remember what’s it like sometimes, and none of us deserved it. But least of all you, you’ve been through the most.”
He looked straight at Jamie, making eye-contact which Jamie struggle to uphold. Suddenly, Jamie thought he might have a clue. He knew what Charlie was on about, they’d been friends when it had happened to Jamie’s parents. The car crash that left him an orphan and alone in the world. The single most terrifyingly sad occurrence which could have happened, and the one thing which made the petty existences and terrors of high school not seem like a big deal. Charlie had grown up and drifted off not long after that and Jamie had just always presumed that to a jock like him it didn’t matter how much personal trauma the geek had been through, that was all irrelevant in the rules of the school-yard.
“I’m here to help you man.”
“Help me….how?” ”You don’t have to be like this. You know what happened to me, and it’s been the fucking ride of my life. I want you to feel some of it man, I can help you do it.”
He dug into his pocket and pulled out a small plastic packet, handing it to Jamie who took it with some awareness. Inside was a single white pill.
“It’s the only one I’ve got left, so if you wanna do it, you’ve got to use this. Don’t throw it away, man, it’s worth it I promise you.”
Suddenly the school-bell rang out. Double maths next, but this was weird, this was really weird. Jamie wasn’t even close to getting to the bottom of it when the silent possibilities of the locker-room were interrupted, as a gorgeous busty blonde work in.
Charlie broke the eye contact with his friend to turn around, and suddenly it seemed like Jamie and the pill didn’t matter any more.
“Hey baby” ”Wassup?” ”Not much, wassup with you?” ”Nada. What are you doing with him”
Charlie turned back to Jamie. For a second, there was a look of serious intent and thought in his eyes, that vanished in a second, to be replaced with the usual smug cocky grin of the jock.
”Nada. Come on lets go babe” He swaggered over to her and they walked out together, leaving Jamie alone in the darkness, the pill in the packet left in his open hand.
His little brother rushed out with eager enthusiasm and buoyancy that almost bowled Jamie over. Since their parents died, little Timmy was one of the only people who still gave that Jamie the same affection. And he loved him for it, and paid him back with solid support and care. With Timmy around, Jamie could almost feel like the big-man he spent every minute of the school day being reminded he wasn’t.
“How are you Timmy?” ”Great – we made Easter Hats.” ”Did you, wow? What else?” ”Ummm, colouring in, and FOOTBALL – they taught us football in break, Jamie. Pretty cool, huh?”
Jamie smiled down at his little brother. “Way cool.”
“Do you play football Jamie? At big school” ”Yeah” ”Are you good at it?” ”A little” Timmy smiled proudly, “I knew you would be” Then he suddenly turned to the rest of the playground, full of his classmates and called out loudly “Hey everyone, this is my big brother Jamie. He plays football at big school, and he’s so cool.”
Jamie smiled as Timmy’s friends all looked up at him with a similar sense of admiration and awe, none of them matching Timmy’s own pride and love, of course, but Timmy was a popular bright kid at his elementary school, and therefore any big brother of his was bound to be looked-up to in almost semi-god proportions by this class of seven year olds. Jamie wished he could transform some of the admiration to his own school, and tried to ignore the querying, faintly-amused glances of parents who knew the truth that a little weakling like him wouldn’t last five minutes on a football pitch of hearty, strong, senior-players.
“Come on Timmy, lets go.” ”Timmy, do you want a sweetie” A very pretty little girl rushed up to his brother just as were waking out of the gates, thrusting a bag of chews in his face.
“Does the footballer player want one?”
“Okay, see you on Monday Timmy!”
Jamie smiled to himself. It was not surprise to him that his little brother was popular with the boys and girls in his class alike. Apart from his playful, enthusiastic and good-natured personality, he seemed to have been blessed with the looks Jamie never really had. A mass of blonde hair, beautiful clear blue eyes, and a cherub like face; Timmy had the type of face suited to child-modelling and TV adverts, but of course he would never be entered into that. Jamie could see his brother growing up into a right little heartbreaker though, and that pleased him. He would hate his brother to lead the sort of life at high school he had to.
“Who was that little girl Timmy” Jamie asked as they were walking back.
“That’s Suzie.” ”Oh okay, is she your friend then?” ”No, she’s a girl.” Then there was a pause, and a long giggle “A girl! Yukky, I hate girls” Jamie laughed back
“Hey Jamie, can you race me home again? I’m really going to try to beat you this time.”
“Okay, I’ll give you a head start, you ready?”
It wasn’t until much later that night that Jamie got back to thinking about the whole surreal situation of earlier that morning. Jamie had spent the evening having so much fun with his brother, feeding him and watching television, playing games and bathing him, that the strange pill Charles had given him had been completely forgotten. That was how it often worked, as soon as Jamie was free from the constraints and stresses of high-school, it became like a bad dream, comforted by realities of his loving little brother. Jamie was almost like a child himself in Timmy’s company. Jamie had had to become like a surrogate father to his brother, and he liked to think of himself as doing a good job. They lived with an old aunty, a relative of his dad’s, but she was away at the moment and Jamie was happier when it was just him and Timmy anyway. What was that pill? Was it possible that it did contain some sort magic formula that could transform him from an insecure geek into some sort of jock-stud, brimming with testosterone and ego, like it had done with Charlie.
Maybe that’s what we wanted, in some ways, but in other ways it couldn’t be further from the truth. He hated everything about those jocks; their loose sexual morality, their cussing, their egos and arrogance, their lack of intelligence, their vanity. Becoming like them would be the ultimate defeat, worse than any beating they could carry out. Besides, he couldn’t help feeling that the moment he became like that, would be the moment he abandoned his sweet little brother, he probably just wouldn’t care about him anymore. Jocks are too busy sleeping around and playing sports to take on the responsibility of caring for an dependant relative, and it scared Jamie more than ever to think of Timmy, all alone and afraid while his jock older brother arrogantly bullied him and made love to whores in his sight. He could never do that to soft, sensitive and sweet Timmy. No he was going to take the pill off the side, where he’d left it and crush it down, throw it away. He wasn’t even going to think about the possibility anymore and he’d avoid Charlie’s gaze until it wasn’t an issue anymore. He had way too much too lose.
But it wasn’t on the side anymore. It had gone. Jamie had taken it out of his pocket and left it there when he got in, so he could put his pants in with the wash. At the time he hadn’t even thought about what he was doing, but maybe it just fell down the side or something. It wasn’t really a big deal anyway, seeing as he intended to ignore the pill.
He was distracted by the sound of heavy footsteps from upstairs. It sounded like Timmy was jumping about up there. What’s the matter – why wasn’t he asleep yet?
The footsteps stopped. “Timmy are you okay?” Then they started out again. Solid, heavy-sounding things that sounded like they should belong to someone three-times Timmy’s age. What was going on? They were getting faster, it sounded like they were coming downstairs.
“Hello, who is that?”
It was a voice Jamie didn’t recognise, terrifying Jamie that there was someone he didn’t know in his house. It wasn’t quite grown up yet, but very croaky. Like some sort of teenage-adolescent. It sounded more frightened than Jamie himself
“Who is that?”
A boy walked into the room that Jamie didn’t recognise. Tall, good looking, blonde haired. Completely naked. His body was strong hairless and well-defined. Looming shoulders, bulky arms, His abs created an eight pac and his chest and back formed a 'V' from his tiny waist, curving out to chunky-muscular legs and thighs. Jamie couldn’t even take his eyes of his large penis, dangling flaccid between his legs. His face was open and honest, almost beautiful of feminine proportions. His body oozed masculinity, but he walked and sounded almost like a child – insecure, innocent and scared.
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